so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
