thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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