mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
