You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
