I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
