Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
be right there i have to get my cape
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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