Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
