Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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