am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ketchup is God's man juice
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
