it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
