If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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