how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
