I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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