Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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