you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We had sex on a dog bed..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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