how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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