I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
