If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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