So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
