Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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