I love black thongs
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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