Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
