By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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