shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
