I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
