if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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