He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
