you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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