He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My vagina is very pro this idea
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
