so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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