The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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