just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
