Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
