i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
