if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
MIDGETS
????
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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