Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
