Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
