i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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