Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
