Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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