So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
