so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
