he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
