Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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