I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize