There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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