The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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