I'm so fucking centered right now
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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