Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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