Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
