OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
