RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
