I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
