I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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