Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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