i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
