YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
splinters make it hard to masturbate
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
