Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
