I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
