somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
