Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
